new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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