Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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