I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
