his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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