i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
