Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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