You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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