watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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