I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
