she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
