We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
