How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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