she smelled like a LAN party
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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