i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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