so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
