i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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