When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
