I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
