Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
