New invention idea: vibrating tampons
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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