By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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