I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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