you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
