You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I skipped work to stalk him.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize