Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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