She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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