I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
