i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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