I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
