well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sext me about skeletons
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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