Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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