hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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