you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
