So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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