period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
