Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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