fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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