Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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