hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
