before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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