For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
