I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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