Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
