I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
