he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
