I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
