It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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