Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
