Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize