i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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