i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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