what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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