when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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