Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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