Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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