the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
