how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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