my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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