I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
