the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
