i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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