Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
