Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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