Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Hippo gnu deer
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
