I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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