Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
