New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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