So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
