dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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