Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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