Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
