Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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