I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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