woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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