I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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