I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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